I think I won the penis lottery.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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