Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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