I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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