ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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