..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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