You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
