mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
