I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
