no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He has the fingertips of a God
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
