You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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