just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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