you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
