I'm jealous of your bromance
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
