i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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