I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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