OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
