We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
