My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
