she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
