yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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