we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
