i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
