Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
