i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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