she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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