I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize