My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
