I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
