using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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