I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
