i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
