sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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