No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
