I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize