how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
