When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
