i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize