We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
