Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
