so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
