Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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