i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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