Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My ass is underappreciated
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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