You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I am midnight drunk by noon
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
