she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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