It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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