..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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