a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
