Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
