i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
