One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
