Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
