i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
In other news, I just burned my penis
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
