We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
