Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
