going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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