fuck your aforementioned shoe
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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