And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
