She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My vagina is officially offended.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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