I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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