ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
