HIV tests are more positive than that guy
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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