She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
