They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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