it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
