Pants 0. Shit 1.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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