i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
