She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
