Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize