I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
third nipple confirmed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
