I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
