Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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