I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
