Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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