Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
