You're completely useless in the revolution.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Everclear isn't food dammit
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize