i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
