wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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