and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
