did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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