Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
