Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
