So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
